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This is a transcript for dialogue with Billy Knight.


BillyKnightComedy How long have you been doing comedy? Surprise 30 If you believe my mother, since she first laid eyes on me. First thing she said was "Boy! That's a funny-looking kid!" 1
Happy 20 I guess I got a face only a mother could love, because nobody else would give me the time of day. 2
Surprise 30 Maybe you can help me, see, I can never tell when it's lunchtime. 3
BillyKnightIntro Who are you? Disgust 25 The name's Knight. Billy Knight. And this here is what a lifelong career in comedy will get you. 4
BillyKnightWork Tommy Torini at the Tops is hiring entertainers. I could put in a word for you. Happy 100 Yeah? Hey, you're all right! Tell him I'll do it for a hundred a night! No! Fifty! No, twenty! Ten! 5
Happy 100 Just don't rob me, and I'll do it! 6
Have you reconsidered asking for a better price from Tommy? Happy 30 Hey, I'm just happy to get any kind of work I can. 7
GREETING GREETING Anger 25 Hey, come on, pal, I'm trying to put on a show here! 8
GREETING Anger 25 Hey, come on, lady, I'm trying to put on a show here! 9
GREETING Anger 25 You again? You should meet my bookie, you have something in common - every time I talk to you, I lose caps! 10
VMSTopsTalentPoolVMSTopsBillyKnightTopic000 Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt. Neutral 50 Jeez, some people.... 11
VMSTopsTalentPoolVMSTopsBillyKnightTopic001 I just have a few questions. Neutral 50 All right, but make it snappy, this isn't exactly a lucrative career enterprise here. 12
VMSTopsTalentPoolVMSTopsBillyKnightTopic002 But we're standing on a street corner in the middle of nowhere. Sad 30 That's exactly my point, kid. Exactly my point. 13
VMSTopsTalentPoolVMSTopsBillyKnightTopic003 It's very impressive. Happy 50 Woof! If you're not the most sarcastic fella I ever met, your standards are so low they could use you at the Annual Gomorrah Saucy Limbo Competition. 14
Anger 20 As the bar! 15
It's very impressive. Happy 50 Woof! If you're not the most sarcastic dame I ever met, your standards are so low they could use you at the Annual Gomorrah Saucy Limbo Competition. 16
Anger 20 As the bar! 17
VMSTopsTalentPoolVMSTopsBillyKnightTopic004 So you're looking for your big break? Happy 25 A break's better than a shot - less chance of lead poisoning. Hey, if you know any gigs hiring, I'll work cheap. Real cheap. I'll take peanuts! 18
VMSTopsTalentPoolVMSTopsBillyKnightTopic005 With jokes like that, no wonder you're working the street. Pained 20 Hey, now, come on! I prefer the term "outdoor entertainment bonanza." Besides, have you seen the caps whores make in this town? I should be so lucky! 19
VMSTopsTalentPoolVMSTopsBillyKnightTopic006 Don't sell yourself short. You're worth a lot more than that. Surprise 25 [SUCCEEDED] Whoa, geez, what was I thinking? You're right, I oughta go in there with a cool head, tell him how much I'm really worth. 20
No, you've got to start high! Ask for a million and go from there! Surprise 20 [FAILED] Look, I appreciate the vote of confidence, but you don't know what it's like. 21
Surprise 15 They offer me a roof over my head and half a Fancy Lad and I'll fold like a classy napkin. 22
VMSTopsTalentPoolVMSTopsBillyKnightTopic007 Sure, here's his card. Happy 50 Sweet daisies, here I come! 23
VMSTopsTalentPoolVMSTopsBillyKnightTopic009 Look, just hang out here for a bit, I want to make sure you get a deal. Surprise 20 Hey, okay, but don't take too long, I don't want to miss this! 24


Goodbye. Neutral 50 Sure, later. 25
TopsBillyKnightPerformanceStrings TopsBillyKnightPerformanceStrings Happy 100 It's great to be here at the Tops, folks. The room I'm in has a lovely little closet. A nail. 26
TopsBillyKnightPerformanceStrings Neutral 50 Thank you everybody, you've been a great audience, good night. 27
TopsBillyKnightPerformanceStrings Happy 100 It's hard to sleep in this place, I tell you. Last night some girl was pounding on my door all night. Finally I had to let her out. 28
TopsBillyKnightPerformanceStrings Happy 100 They really care about your privacy here at the Tops. Even room service has an unlisted number! 29
TopsBillyKnightPerformanceStrings Happy 100 My hotel room is so small, when I put the key in the lock, I broke the window! 30
TopsBillyKnightPerformanceStrings Happy 100 How about that suit Benny wears? If I had a suit like that, the ladies would be all over me. What, you expect a punchline? This guy pays my salary! 31
TopsBillyKnightPerformanceStrings Happy 100 I told my wife she was good-looking for a ghoul. It's just too bad she's not a ghoul. 32
TopsBillyKnightPerformanceStrings Happy 100 I love these robots with the friendly little policeman's faces. Sure, they still rough you up, but they look so happy! 33
TopsBillyKnightPerformanceStrings Happy 100 My cousin and his wife are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous. 34
TopsBillyKnightPerformanceStrings Happy 100 I know a guy, his motto is Love Thy Neighbor. He lives next door to a brothel. 35
TopsBillyKnightPerformanceStrings Happy 100 I try to be frank and earnest with women. In New Reno, I'm Frank and in the Boneyard I'm Ernest. 36
TopsBillyKnightPerformanceStrings Happy 100 I've been married for 17 years. Where did I go wrong? 37
TopsBillyKnightPerformanceStrings Happy 100 I've been in love with the same woman for 17 years. If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me! 38
TopsBillyKnightPerformanceStrings Happy 100 My wife and I know the secret to a happy marriage. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant. She goes Mondays, I go Fridays. 39
TopsBillyKnightPerformanceStrings Happy 100 I take my wife everywhere, but somehow she keeps finding her way back. 40
TopsBillyKnightPerformanceStrings Happy 100 I bought my wife a little car here in New Vegas. An Omerta. It has a hood under the hood. 41
TopsBillyKnightPerformanceStrings Happy 100 People say it's hard to survive the Wasteland - how hard can it be, the water glows in the dark! 42
TopsBillyKnightPerformanceStrings Happy 100 So I hear Mr. House runs the Strip. He took it over from the last guy, Mr. Mob-Infested Hellhole. 43
TopsBillyKnightPerformanceStrings Happy 100 I had dinner at the Ultra-Luxe the other night. I told them my steak tasted funny. They said it was a clown. 44
TopsBillyKnightPerformanceStrings Happy 100 I hear James Garret drove 5,000 head of Brahmin to New Reno. No bodies, just the heads. 45
TopsBillyKnightPerformanceStrings Happy 100 A ghoul goes to a doctor and he says "Doctor, Doctor, I have this horrible rash!" The Doctor says "Son, that's called your face." 46