The Funnies #60
The Funnies are short jokes in Fallout 76.
Background[]
In addition to four perk cards, perk card packs contain a stick of gum and a joke on the inside of the wrapper.
List of Funnies[]
| Number (#) | Text |
|---|---|
| 1 | Cram walks into a bar. Bartender says, “We don’t serve food!” |
| 2 | A Mister Handy walks into a bar. “Ouch!” he yells. |
| 3 | Best post-war pizza? Extra cheese, hold the mushroom cloud. |
| 4 | I have the world's worst thesaurus. It's terrible and terrible. |
| 5 | Cop asked for my license. Told him I wasn't married. |
| 6 | Thay sey speling iz a losst ahrt. |
| 7 | Burrito finishes directing a movie. Says, “That’s a wrap!” |
| 8 | What's a blind fashion designer's favorite color? Corduroy. |
| 9 | Hear about the lost pharaoh? He just wanted his mummy. |
| 10 | Hear about the drunk Mr. Handy? He can't hold his whine. |
| 11 | Kid is in the backseat of a time machine: “Are we then yet?” |
| 12 | Why did Vault Boy cross the road? He was stapled to the chicken. |
| 13 | You hear about the unsharpened spear? It was pointless. |
| 14 | How do you call a shark to dinner? “Man overboard!” |
| 15 | Can't get through to the funeral parlor? Maybe the line's dead. |
| 16 | Tip: Never offer an Anchorage veteran a cold drink. |
| 17 | Marry a cardiologist. They're all heart! |
| 18 | Yo momma's so fat... She really should see a doctor. I'm concerned. |
| 19 | Hear about the eraser who turned gangster? He got rubbed out. |
| 20 | Peanut asks a grape out on a date. Grape says: "You’re nuts!" |
| 21 | The balloon postponed his wedding. Now it's up in the air. |
| 22 | Hear about Santa's stand-up comedy act? He sleighed. |
| 23 | Dracula caught a really bad cold. He just couldn't stop coffin. |
| 24 | Roses are red, violets are blue, I didn't water them, they died. |
| 25 | You know how to make fondue? That's a crock. |
| 26 | Tree walks into a bar. “I’ll have a root beer.” |
| 27 | “Talk is cheap,” said no lawyer ever. |
| 28 | Hitman says to the calendar, “Your days are numbered.” |
| 29 | My wife loves a man in uniform. His name is Roger. |
| 30 | Best way to have a clean conscience? Never use it. |
| 31 | If I had a nickel for every failed math test, I'd have 97 cents. |
| 32 | A brave man robbed the zoo. He had the heart of a lion. |
| 33 | Olga's just like a Russian doll. So full of herself. |
| 34 | Protectron says to an Army recruiter, “I’ve got the mettle!” |
| 35 | Hear about the man who asked out an Assaultron? You never will. |
| 36 | Proper use of a comma is very, important. |
| 37 | Popular ghost says to the unpopular ghost, “Get a life!” |
| 38 | How did Joan lose 240 pounds? She got a divorce. |
| 39 | If you love TV, get a remote control. It changes everything. |
| 40 | Rabbit says to the hedgehog, "Can’t you share?" |
| 41 | Christine broke her neck 6 years ago. She never looked back. |
| 42 | Hear about the poor Easter egg who fell off a counter? He dyed. |
| 43 | Dyslexia have might you think you do? |
| 44 | Worst helicopter pilot ever? Got cold so he turned off the fan. |
| 45 | An idiot poured minestrone over his car. He wanted to soup it up. |
| 46 | Is it annoying when someone answers their own questions? Sure is. |
| 47 | If photons aren’t religious, then why do they have mass? |
| 48 | What do you call the time you clean and do laundry? Your day off. |
| 49 | What does an educated person call an insurance policy? Vault-Tec. |
| 50 | 4 drinks in one hand plus 5 in the other equals? Alcoholism. |
| 51 | What do you call 16 men on a Dead Man's chest? Pirate CPR. |
| 52 | What do you call a porcupine love affair? A murder suicide. |
| 53 | Bagel says to roll, "You’re the best thing since sliced bread." |
| 54 | Rifle says to drunk revolver, “Don’t go off halfcocked.” |
| 55 | Never trust a bucket's theories. They just don't hold water. |
| 56 | “Knock knock!” “Go away. I hate knock knock jokes.” |
| 57 | I have short-term memory loss. I have short-term memory loss. |
| 58 | Susie turned vegetarian, but thought it was a missed steak. |
| 59 | What do you call a Vault overseer without a spouse? Irresistible. |
| 60 | What does dad hate about Father's Day? Having to celebrate it. |
| 61 | Two antennae got married. The reception was amazing. |
| 62 | The Doberman forgot to do the dishes. Ended up in the dog house. |
| 63 | Love's like a bullet - the exit is always the worst. |
| 64 | Hear about the ambitious executioner? Always trying to get ahead. |
| 65 | Your kid's so ugly, the cat tries to cover him up in the sandbox. |
| 66 | An overachiever died at the blood clinic. She gave 100%. |
| 67 | Grandma went crazy on the porch. Totally off her rocker. |
| 68 | Hear about the soap addict? He's clean now. |
| 69 | Why was Cinderella awful at bowling? She ran away from the ball. |
| 70 | 4 out of 5 men suffer from hemorrhoids. That last guy loves them. |
| 71 | I gave my seat on the bus to a blind man. They fired me as driver. |
| 72 | Duck doctor says to his patient, “Full disclosure. I’m a quack.” |
| 73 | Hear about the cheese factory that exploded? De brie everywhere. |
| 74 | What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea. |
| 75 | What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no idea. |
| 76 | How do you get a one-armed moron out of a tree? Wave |
| 77 | Want to keep a cat from drowning? Take the sack out of the river. |
| 78 | What do you call the best pig in acting class? A total ham. |
| 79 | Dad is washing the Corvega with his son. Son says, “Use a sponge!” |
| 80 | Democracy asked Communism out on a date. “Are you free?” |
| 81 | Why did the tennis player get divorced? He couldn't accept love. |
| 82 | What's a seahorse's favorite sport? Water polo. |
| 83 | I'm suing the fire department. They ruined my surprise dinner. |
| 84 | Tip: Give your kids memories they don't have to repress. |
| 85 | Kids can't get into my house. I had it childproofed. |
| 86 | You hear about the man who sells dynamite? Business is booming. |
| 87 | Why did June become an architect? To remove the glass ceiling. |
| 88 | “Winning isn’t everything!” – Inscribed on every 2nd-place trophy. |
| 89 | Heard about the werewolf prankster? He kept flashing a full moon. |
| 90 | Oscar burned 3000 calories. He accidentally left a cake in the oven. |
| 91 | You want some advice? I'm not using mine. |
| 92 | Guns don't kill people. Technically, it's the bullets. |
| 93 | Money can't buy happiness. But it can buy a Chryslus Rocket 69... |
| 94 | Once is a mistake. Twice is problem. Seven times is a party. |
| 95 | What do you call a family of geese crossing the road? Speed bumps. |
| 96 | Trout detective walks onto a crime scene. "Something’s fishy." |
| 97 | I woke up this morning. It was an eye-opening experience. |
| 98 | There was a mime with a price on his head. He had to be silenced. |
| 99 | What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick. |
| 100 | Hear about the man who stole a calendar? He got 12 months. |
Behind the scenes[]
All the jokes were written by Emil Pagliarulo.[1]