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Do you think that life's supposed to be some pretty picture without any misery in it? Life IS misery! Misery, and whatever the Hell we decide to do about it!

Dane is a member of the Children of the Cathedral around 2161. He can be found in the eastern corner of the second level of the Cathedral.

Background[edit | edit source]

Found on the second level of the Cathedral tower, Dane is a big, strong, burly man who happens to be clinically insane. Allegedly from the Canadian city of Penticton, he was a prime candidate for conversion into the Master's nightkin army, but following a failed dipping, his mind became permanently unhinged. Subsequent surgeries, indoctrination, and mind-altering chemicals merely spread the marbles even farther out.[1]

In technical terms, he appears to suffer from paranoid schizophrenia and dissociative identity disorder. The latter manifests as two distinct personalities: The harmless Dane and the violent, profanity-spewing Dark Dane. He is highly unstable, repeatedly spouting a string of incoherent, nonsensical dialogue when prompted. Speaking with him on multiple occasions results with fluctuating responses of varying coherence.

Dane spends his time rambling in his room, though he is still technically a high level member of the Children of the Cathedral. Between bouts of insanity he has periods of remarkable lucidity, giving insight into the inner workings of the Unity.

Interactions with the player character[edit | edit source]

Interactions overview[edit | edit source]

Neutral.png
This character has no special interactions.

Other interactions[edit | edit source]

  • He may be considered friendly towards the player character unless physically attacked, despite his volatile nature.
  • If interacted with repeatedly, Dane will reach a point where he can be talked to properly.

Notable quotes[edit | edit source]

  • "John Brown's body is molderin' in the Grave. John Brown's body is molderin' in the Grave, John Brown's body is a-molderin' in the Grave, and the Master's screwing us overrrrr . . ."
  • "I'm screwed, but this is only Phase 1 of the Cathedral Screwover Plan. When servitors get completely brainwashed, they got to Phase 2. That's when the Master baptizes them in the FEV-2!"
  • "I used to hurt people bad, too. I was a stud! Hell, I was a god! A tough god son of a bitch! But it wasn't enough! I was a goose-stepping fighting machine! But now I'm . . . I'm . . . help me . . ."
  • "Love is what makes the cactus grow! Love is what makes the brahmin moo! Love is screwing, it's screwing your life! I hate love! I love hate! If the Master hated us, we'd be all right!"
  • "Do you think that life's supposed to be some pretty picture without any misery in it? Life IS misery! Misery, and whatever the Hell we decide to do about it! Coping! Loving! Screwing! Hating! Taking chances! Boring people! Bashing assholes! Making friends with other assholes! Running away from your mistakes! Facing your mistakes! Radiation! Having kids and doing the same thing over again, sometimes better, sometimes worse! That is life, man! It's like being drunk; look at it one way, and it's a piss poor embarrassment! Look at it a different way and it feels great! But it's all the same thing! It's all life!"
  • "I'm a little bitter right now. Like Orange Pekoe left out in the rain. Ha! I like that saying! I think I'll keep repeating it! I'm a little bitter right now. Like Orange Pekoe left out in the rain..."

Collected ravings[edit | edit source]

Note: Dark Dane is marked in bold.

  • "Didn't we just meet? Have you come to kill me?"
"I know fathers aren't supposed to hug their sons, but I love you, dad!"
"Master, was this what I was supposed to become, Master?"
  • "There ain't nothin' like a Dane.."
"What's your favorite color, friend? Mine is milk!"
"You're an idiot, Dane. They're going to kill you soon and you deserve it! Weakling! Weakling!"
  • "Mother, did you think they'd drop a bomb?"
"They did it with grace and such aplomb!"
"My name is Dane, it is not Tom!"
"Your poetry sucks, man! It sucks! Sucks! Sucks!"
  • "I like Mr. Handy! I want to have sex with his cute little hands . . ."
"I'm crazy. I've gone crazy. Oh my god, I have gone completely nuts! Think about peace! Think about Unity!"
"I want a horse! I need a horse! Bring me a horse, dammit! A horse!"
  • "They're watching us even now! Mr. Nightkin! Felix and Timothy! Cats! Dogs! Nightkin!"
"Shut up! They'll think you're a crazy asshole! You gotta get yourself together!"
"Lasher! You gotta kill Lasher! Save the kid! Poor little Flower Child. Poor me."
"Shut up you son of a bitch! Pull yourself together!"
  • "[Singing off-key] Once, I was lost, and now I see! No more baptism now for me!"
"You know, I once overheard Morpheus shaking his fist at Nightkin. Or did I smell it?"
"You're fools to cry for me. Never cry over spilled milk . . . or damaged goods."
  • "Does anyone know how to fix a toaster?"
"Of course they do, idiot! It's your head they can't fix, you son of a bitch!"
"It's the guns, you asshole! Gunpowder is intelligent and evil and controls your brain! The more gunpowder that's near you, the crazier you become! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!"
" . . . I just want to set the world on fiiiiiiiyaaah!!!"
  • "You wanna rassle? I used to be real good at it . . . until the Nightkin beat me. Took two of them, though. Nightkin are real strong!"
"They're mutants, you fool! Of course they're strong!"
"So are penguins. And gyro buffalo. They shoot them out of great big bison guns. You gotta watch out for those buffalo women. They'll drop a bison on you so fast, you won't know what hit you! Ha!"
  • "Don't I know you from somewhere? Does your brain hurt, too?"
"Of course you know him, Dane, you idiot! (S)He's our enemy! (S)He must be destroyed!"
"Don't mind him, he's an asshole. I love you. Do you love me?"
"I used to live in Penticton, British Columbia. Or maybe I saw it on a map of the old days. Those were good old days. Wish I'd been alive back then . . ."
  • "Aren't you tired of talking with me? Hasn't this just been incredibly tedious?"
"Aren't you tired of talking with yourself, you schizo bastard?"
"I hate myself. I want to die, but you're counting on me. Counting on me to say something that makes all of my bullshit mean something! Something important!"
"Why can't I be the important one for a change?"
  • "MOOOOOO! MOOOOOOO! MOOOOOOOOO! MOOOOOOO!"
"MOOOOOO! MOOOOOOO! MOOOOOOOOO! MOOOOOOO!"
"I'm bored. What's worse, I've been screwed over. It isn't fun anymore. You ever got the feeling you were just strings and they didn't bother to hang you? I'm all over the floor!"
  • "MOOOOOO! MOOOOOOO! MOOOOOOOOO! MOOOOOOO!"
"'Enough with the brahmin! You'll start smelling like them! Then everyone will just puke!"
"I used to be insane, you know, until I went through the Servitor process. I used to be insane, but now I'm just in pieces. Pieces! Pieces!"
"Son of a bitch, I'm a puzzle! Will you help me put myself together?"
  • "I can't believe someone's still talking with me . . ."
"It's all a game, you see. A game, and I'm one of the pieces. And a kid got real angry, and so he started stepping on me. Step and step and step and step, and finally I just broke!"
"Maybe they'll scoop out my brain! Scoop out my brain and turn me into their pet! Here, Dane! Catch the ball, Dane! Sic 'em, Dane! Sic 'em, Dane! Sic 'em, Dane! Execute them, you brain-dead dog!"
"Why do you think they call him Master?"
  • "Life sucks, but death sucks worse, and we can't go back in time to stop our birth, so what's the point?"
"I think they get the point, asshole! They know the Servitor process screws you! They know this 'baptism machine' just messes . . ."
"My name is Dane. I am a Viking. I like ducks. I rape and pillage! Will you rape and pillage with me?"
"Oh God! Master, not God! At least I remember my own name. At least I still have that. Most of the other failures didn't, before they shot them. Not pretty corpses either. Nightkin target practice!"
"And then there were the ones who lost their minds completely. I wish they were dead."
  • "I think I'll call my first child Fallout. I had a son once, but the radiation ate him in his mommy's womb."
"Asshole! You just laughed! You didn't give a shit about him or his mother before!"
"Mutants can't breed. And we're all going to become mutants! Don't you know what that means! The world will be sterile! Sterile! Sterile! We won't breed! We'll all die!"
"Stop him! Stop him! Stop him! Somebody make him stop!"
  • "Master! I shouldn't have said anything. I heard the Nightkin crying and I felt sorry for it."
"What is evil? Evil is when good gets completely screwed up! Evil is when brave people can't be brave anymore! Evil is an anagram of vile! There's got to be a moral standard somewhere!"
"Shut up, asshole! Moral standards! It sure as Hell ain't here!"
  • "You know, I used to think religion was a noble calling, and maybe it is; but you can't walk into it blindly, or they'll take control of your brain."
". . . zombies are a disgrace to God, you know."
"But why does God make people who break so easily?"
"I think I can finally answer some questions now. Sorry it took so long."

Inventory[edit | edit source]

Apparel Weapon Other items
Robes Ripper

Appearances[edit | edit source]

Dane appears only in Fallout.

Behind the scenes[edit | edit source]

  • Dane sings the first line of "I Don't Want to Set the World on Fire," the only sign that the song was originally intended as the title song.
  • "Does anyone know how to fix a toaster?" is a reference to the Toaster repair skill from Wasteland.
  • "I want a horse! I need a horse! Bring me a horse, dammit! A horse!" is a string of seemingly nonsense that Dane will occasionally emit. It is a reference to a similar line from William Shakespeare's Richard III: "A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a horse!"[2]
  • "Mother, did you think they'd drop a bomb?" is from the Pink Floyd song "Mother."

Bugs[edit | edit source]

Dane is not scripted properly and will only display the last line of dialogue. The Review button allows the player to see the entire rant.

References[edit | edit source]

  1. Dane: "{198}{}{Dumped me in chemicals, filled me full of holes, played loud noises for me. That sort of shit. Tried to make me into something I'm not. Parents do that all the time.}"
    (DANE.MSG)
  2. Dane: "{113}{}{I want a horse! I need a horse! Bring me a horse, dammit! A horse!}"
    (Dane's dialogue)
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