Appalachia audio tour stations are a series of tour station speaker boxes which can be found at landmarks all around Appalachia. They are narrated by Dick Shale and provide information about the relevant landmark as well as including some form of product placement.
Colonel Kelly monument[]
Hi, I'm Dick Shale, here to welcome you to the Colonel Kelley monument. As you take in the view and history, consider using Abraxo brand cleaning products... I would.
This monument, deep in the wooded heart of.. *aside* wait where? *back to script* the heart of the Appalachian countryside, overlooking majestic Grafton lake... *shouted aside* LINE!
Colonel Kelley raised the 1st West Virginia and became its Colonel in May of 1861. Later in June at the battle in Pilippi, uh, Philippi he was severely wounded.
I like to think that the Colonel would have used Abraxo cleaning products.
You can learn more about the battle at Philippi at the Philippi Battlefield Cemetery. I can't wait, to see YOU there! Ok, cut, that's it, I *recording cuts off*
The Giant Teapot[]
Hey, Dick Shale here again! Welcome to The Giant Teapot. You may remember me from tours like the Colonel Kelley Monument and the Miner's Monument!
This landmark is brought to you by Red Rocket Automobile Service Stations. Our high tech fuel will get you better mileage than the competition, guaranteed!
The Giant Teapot was originally built in 1938 to represent what was at the time the largest pottery industry in the world!
Now it serves as a popular hangout for locals and a must visit landmark for families traveling across the state.
Now please, enjoy the Giant Teapot! Don't forget to top off your tank before you leave! This is Dick Shale, signing off.
Miners Monument[]
Hi, I'm Dick Shale, and welcome to this beautiful monument. Before we start, let's take a moment to appreciate the refreshing taste of an ice cold Nuka Cola. If you want to grab one, feel free, I'll be right here when you get back.
For those of you already enjoying a Nuke, let's begin. This monument was built in 1952, to commemorate the hard working miners of Appalachia.
The Miners Representation Union and the Conglomerate of Appalachian Mining Interests committees worked together to choose this design from hundreds of proposed sculptures.
The monument is so popular that a replica was installed in the town of Beckley.
The Conglomerate of Appalachian Mining Interests would like to remind everyone that miners are fairly compensated and there is no evidence that mining poses any additional health risks or significant environmental damage.
Philippi Battlefield Cemetery[]
Hi, I'm Dick Shale! It's my privilege to welcome to Philippi Battlefield Cemetery, one of the regions most important historic landmarks!
This landmark is brought to you by BlamCo Brand Mac and Cheese, America's favorite mac and cheese dish. Kids love BlamCo!
This monument marks the first organized land action of the Civil War on June 3rd, 1861. The Union had planned a pre-dawn assault on the Confederates.
The weather that morning was rainy. Union attackers began firing their artillery, which awakened the Confederates from their slumber.
The Confederates retreated about 45 miles to the south. Boy, I bet those Yanks wished they had some warm, delicious BlamCo Mac and Cheese after that!
Be sure to check out the Philippi Battlefield Cemetery Museum and see important relics that were used in the battle. This is Dick Shale, signing off!
Uncanny Caverns[]
The Uncanny Caverns audio tour consists of ten audio tour stations spaced throughout the caverns.
Audio tour station 1[]
Greetings, adventurers! I'm Dick Shale. You may remember me from automated tours at locations such as the Fancy Lads factory and Prickett's Fort!
Your journey begins in the Winding Gateway. As you descend the staircase you travel back to an ancient land, millions of years old and perfectly preserved in time.
Time-travel sure works up an appetite, so guests with an upgraded tour plan can grab a complimentary box of Dandy Boy Apples! Dandy Boy Apples - so good, they never go bad!
After our photographer captures the memory of a lifetime, head down the wooden path to learn the fascinating and mysterious history of the world-famous Uncanny Caverns!
Audio tour station 2[]
Congratulations on making it all the way down the Winding Gateway - a feat powered by the refreshing fuel of Dandy Boy Apples!
During this self-guided tour you'll experience majestic natural formations that evoke an otherworldly sense of awe and reverence.
You'll also hear tales of the dark and mysterious Night Kid, who leapt from the depths of these caverns into the imaginations of millions worldwide!
Head left to continue the tour - and please, stay on the wooden path.
Audio tour station 3[]
You're now in the Royalty Room, made up of three beautiful natural columns named The King, The Knight, and The Squire.
Fun fact! Columns are formed by the natural union of stalagmites and stalactites over many years. The King column is over 200 thousand years old!
When first surveyed, the Royalty Room was filled with two tons of litter and dead livestock dumped by local farmers through a now-collapsed hole.
Head left to continue the tour and remember - no littering!
Audio tour station 4[]
Before you is the entrance to the Night Kid room, where the mysterious half-man half-bat was first discovered!
Night Kid was found in complete darkness and surrounded by bats. He was 2 feet tall, weighed 19 pounds, and had been feeding on moths to survive.
You can explore this part of Appalachian history and more at a reasonable price as part of our Wild Cave tour - sold separately!
Head right to continue the tour. Please let members of premium guided tours pass before proceeding.
Audio tour station 5[]
Before you leave the Royalty Room, we'd like you to experience the decades-old tradition of listening for Night Kid.
Some say if you're quiet enough at the right time of day, you can hear Night Kid scurry around the dark recesses of the cave ceiling.
Now, everybody in the tour group take a brief moment of silence - if you dare!
When you're done, head down the stairs to continue the tour. Please, watch your step.
Audio tour station 6[]
In front of you is the Halfling Hole, the second stop on our guided Wild Cave tour.
The Halfling Hole, so named for its cozy size and quaint surroundings, features a natural pool with water so pure it has to be tasted to be believed!
It is thought that the reason Night Kid was able to thrive for so long here is the abundant sources of shelter, fresh water, and bugs for protein.
Head right to continue the tour. We remind guests to please not enter the Halfling Hole without a premium tour badge.
Audio tour station 7[]
The next stop in our tour is the impressive Poseidon's Passage - so-named after the ancient Greek god of the sea, earthquakes, storms, and horses.
The impressive stalactite and stalagmite to your left, known as the Trident, will one day come together to form a massive natural column.
The natural cave water here is filtered through the cavern rock over centuries, and is pure enough to bathe a newborn child in!
Cross the bridge to continue the tour. For legal reasons, we encourage guests to stay on the trail and away from the water.
Audio tour station 8[]
The third stop on our premium Wild Cave tour is the Dead End - where the final standoff between Night Kid and the federal marshals took place.
Night Kid, now an aggressive five-foot tall predator, was cornered and captured by the marshals after a lengthy and deadly chase through the caverns.
He remained in captivity for a decade before he was freed under mysterious circumstances, and returned to the caverns where he lives to this day!
Step up the right path to continue the tour. Watch out for bats!
Audio tour station 9[]
Now we arrive at the infamous Devil's Offering, a tight and dangerous connection through the middle of the cavern to the Royalty Room.
It is said that only those who offer a toll to the devil get through this tight passage unscathed.
Travel through Devil's Offering is only available by purchasing the Extreme Adventure Tour upgrade - inquire at the gift shop to learn more!
Head left to reach the final stop of the tour.
Audio tour station 10[]
The final stop of the self-guided tour is where it all began - The War Room. It inspires both fear and respect from its size and massive formations.
In the center of it all is Odin's Tooth, the largest natural cavern formation in Appalachia. It is truly a breathtaking sight to behold.
We thank you for spending your time with us at Uncanny Caverns, and encourage you to return soon for the Wild Cave and Extreme Adventure tours!
Head left up the stairs to exit. Please, visit the gift shop on the way out. Thank you, and have an uncanny day! This is Dick Shale, signing off.
Prickett's Fort[]
The Prickett's Fort audio tour consists of ## audio tour stations spaced throughout the location.
Audio tour station 1[]
Dick Shale here, welcoming you to Prickett's Fort Historical Landmark! This historic moment in time is brought to you by Nuka Cola.
The park features a reconstructed refuge fort and commemorates life on the Virginia frontier during the late 18th century.
Join me as we mosey on down the trail to the right for the next part of the tour and take a fascinating stroll through history.
Audio tour station 2[]
This is a typical Blacksmith Shop where Blacksmiths would make horseshoes, various tools, and perform routine repairs by hand.
Blacksmiths had a general knowledge of how to make and repair many things, from the most complex of weapons and armor to simple things.
Please proceed to the fort to continue the tour.
Audio tour station 3[]
Prickett's Fort was surrounded by a tall wall with lookout towers for monitoring the area around the fort.
Colonists stood watch around the clock and would alert the settlement if the British were approaching.
Inside the fort we'll see what everyday life was like for the colonists, but first let me tell you about Nuka Cola!
What gives it a unique flavor is the essence of seventeen different fruits mixed in just the right proportions to give Nuka Cola its trademark taste.
Mmmm, boy! Nuka Cola's refreshing taste really hits the spot! Now, let's continue on with the tour!
Audio tour station 4[]
This building is the Colonist Company Mess Hall. Colonists would also gather here for settlement meetings.
Audio tour station 5[]
This is a typical Colonist Barracks. These buildings housed on average fourteen soldiers.
Audio tour station 6[]
Colonists would typically keep a campfire going while cooking stew or brewing some coffee during the night shift for those who were on watch.
Boy, I bet the colonists really wished they had an ice cold, thirst quenching Nuka Cola when those Redcoats attacked that early Autumn morning!
After the tour, be sure to visit the gift shop located northeast of the fort to grab a souvenir and an ice cold Nuka for yourself!
Audio tour station 7[]
Towers were used to monitor the area around the fort. Watch your step on the catwalks!
Audio tour station 8[]
Welcome to the gift shop, the final stop on our tour. We'd like to thank you for visiting this historic landmark mock-up of Prickett's Fort!
I say mock-up because the real fort was destroyed centuries ago! It was lovingly re-created based on a series of documents and educated guesses. Isn't science great?
Anyway, don't forget to take home a piece of American history from the gift shop. Oh, and make sure to grab a Nuka for the road!
I hope everyone had a swell experience! This is Dick Shale, signing off!